Today’s giveaway: Odes to VLOOKUP (It ain’t over until the formulas stop singing)

Bill Jelen found it. Erica Rhein started it. She posted a comment on Facebook declaring her complete dependence on VLOOKUP.

“I use Pivot Tables and VLOOKUP every day. I would be screwed at my job without it”

To Bill’s formula-possessed mind this statement equals a love poem. He decided today’s VLOOKUP Week door prize would go to the best ode to VLOOKUP. Check out the haikus and poems about undying VLOOKUP love (or is that HOOKUP love?) that have been already submitted, then add your own by entering it as a comment to this post VLOOKUP Week blog post.

BTW:  Do you think this entry is the first VLOOKUP love poem ever written?


How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways …

The tens of thousands of records, nay,
The now 1,048,576 potential records per sheet,
A full 16,384 potential fields wide,
Would be a mountain of bad data
Too high to climb…

Whether tracking statewide underground facility excavation violations,
National subcontractors’ software bug fixes,
Or hospital CFOs’ every financial metric desires,
My eyes grew weary and my fingers waxed numb
With every scroll up and down those endless records,
Scanning for that needle of a matching value
In a towering haystack of a list –
Over and over and over again.

–Kip J.

One final note:  Today Bill’s also featuring a post about using VLOOKUP to track shark attacks written by Debra Dalgleish who also wrote about VLOOKUP Vampires. What will Bill possibly give away tomorrow that will relate to these?